Sunday, October 23, 2016

Politics meets literature meets (rigged) social media

Here are my picks for the best of #TrumpBookReport and #TrumpBookReports on Twitter, October 19th–23rd 2016:

Trump's foreign policy answers sound like a book report from a teenager who hasn't read the book. "Oh, the grapes! They had so much wrath!" @AntonioFrench

Alas, poor Yorick: and let me tell you, he was poor. He lived in hell, with some mean hombres. I knew him. I knew him well. @GemmaJKenny

Les Misérables, of course they are miserable, the inner city is a mess folks, believe me. People stealing bread everywhere. @calydonianbore

Look, I don't know Voldemort. He said nice things about me. If we got along with the Death Eaters, wouldn't be so bad. @mayapraff

Pride and Prejudice? Two of my best qualities, my pride and my prejudice. No one prouder or more prejudiced than me folks. @politislob

Gatsby? He says he was great. I don't know. People are saying maybe not so great. I'll make Gatsby great again. @briandfrancis

Hamlet? Such a disaster. Can't decide to be or not. Bigly indecisive. And Ophelia? Not my first choice. @KDanielGleason

I can show you how to kill a mockingbird. I could stand in the middle of 5th Ave and kill a mockingbird and not lose votes. @Lemons_N_Laughs

To Kill A Mockingbird? Believe me — if those mockingbirds had guns they wouldn't have been killed. @GloriaBB2

I prefer the Mockingbirds that don't get killed. @BarrettAll

Juliet. Such a nasty woman. She made Romeo kill himself. And believe me he could have done better. Look at her. @CatherineQ

Sleeping Beauty? The Prince just started kissing her. Didn't even ask. When you're a prince they let you do it. @sameernoorani

The first rule of Fight Club is I don't have to accept the results of any fight I lose in Fight Club. @faithchoyce

Hester Prynne. Very nasty woman. Very nasty. There has to be some form of punishment. There has to. @B9lyEquivocal

That Giving Tree was a loser. It gave and gave and gave. Horrible deals. Ends up a stump. Schmuck. @warrenleightTV

It was the best of times. Wrong. It was the worst of times. Many people were saying it. These two inner cities. Disasters. @Eggface

Two things, okay? War. And peace. Many, many people, and we're talking powerful people, say to me: "You're a great reader." @DanKennedy_NYC

Who knows For Whom the Bell Tolls? It should toll for me, but the bell is rigged. Very rigged. Hemingway golfed with Bill. @j2250

Anna Karenina. Such a nasty woman. @jpodhoretz

Noah was so bad. I'll deport the animals. All the animals love me. I'll build a beautiful ark. God will pay for the ark. @JamesMelville

Lady Macbeth? Nasty woman. MacDuff? One bad hombre, ok? The witches rigged the prophecies, believe me, total disaster. @amandasgardner

Anne Frank, Disgusting! And she was captured. I like people who weren't captured. She's no hero. @stlgotswagga

This book was a disaster. Could've solved the mystery myself. Nancy Drew? Not very attractive. Too nosy. Probably ISIS. @ira

Believe me, she loved to eat, that very hungry caterpillar. No self control. Sad! @a11ssa

The duckling was very ugly, ok? Some people were saying the duckling was a swan, but I saw it and believe me: total disaster. @marthacohara

Winnie the Pooh... don't get me started. Low energy. Lazy. Overweight and no stamina. Always eating. He should be drug tested. @Morgans_Twitt3r

I wouldn't have given Hester Prynne an A. I'd have given her a C, at most. @KarenBoman

Sauron, a great Lord. He respects me and I'll tell you what else, he has very strong borders. No one just walks into Mordor. @CharlieAndyFitz

Emily Dickinson is not nice. All those hidden poems? What else is she hiding? Bigly crooked. @mollybirdsmith

No one has more Sense & Sensibility than me. Austen knew it. You know it. Crooked Hillary can't accept it. Sad. @PanamaVeggie

The Bell Jar. No bells. No jars. Only empty promises. Sylvia Plath. Such a nasty woman. Total loser. Pulitzer rigged! @jgeveritt

Stupid title, The Bell Jar. No bells, no jars. Believe me, I've got the best bells. The best. Big, beautiful bells. @democracydiva

Hester Prynne is a nasty woman, believe me. She's a LIAR. I never grabbed her by the petticoats, ok? Total bimbo loser. @hmurrr

War and Peace? You can't have war and peace. I wanted peace. Crooked Hillary wanted war. Disgusting. @jwwatson63

I was against that war from the beginning. #warandpeace @petz4peace

Why'd Tolstoy tell em there'd be war AND peace? I'd use the element of surprise. 21 Medal of Honor recipients endorse me. @DustinSwonder

War and Peace: You have no idea if it was the Russians. @Blkbyrd

Charlie wins chocolate factory. It was rigged, folks. Believe me. @galbaseballgeek

Where The Sidewalk Ends — Hillary has had 30 years to complete the sidewalk. It's her fault the sidewalk ends. @twiticulture

Robin Hood? Total loser. Criminal. Should be jailed. Worst economic plan ever! Helping the poor for free? I'll prosecute. @GenXMedia

Leaves of Grass? Ah! too bigly, too many words! I don't have time to read... But that "Song of Myself" I like that one. @herbalista58

Moby Dick. I apologize if anyone was offended. It's just locker room talk. @cflash

We're gonna catch so much rye, you won't believe it. We're bringing those rye catching jobs to America. @steventurous

I was against the war in Troy. Ask Hannity. And Helen was maybe a 6. She wouldn't have been my first choice, believe me. @BrentSirota

There was much ado, believe me. So much ado. Many people are saying how much ado there was. And about what? Nothing! @marthacohara

Shakespeare didn't write anything, it was all me. The medieval media was rigged. @Nderavin1

Bill Shakespeare... To be or not, pick a lane. By the way — Juliet, I never touched her. @CheapSeatsComic

What language is this? Can't understand a word of it. Shakespeare, what a loser. @StoutYeoman

Crooked Hillary wants you to say farewell to your arms, but when I'm president no one will have to say farewell to arms. @brnwdbwlr

Global warming was a hoax invented by the Chinese, my opponent claims it's 451 degrees Fahrenheit now. I don't think so. @ForrestLockwood

The Waste Land. Dry rocks and dry throats. Don't believe it, folks. Climate change is a hoax. Totally rigged. @PoetryArchive

"nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands" –ee cummings WRONG! Just look at my hands. The fingers. Long. Beautiful. @MDowdLambert

There's a Lord — and he's got rings. Lots of rings. The best rings. And two of the best Towers anyone has seen. @ageofkarl

Dorothy came to Oz illegally, murdered people. Should be in jail. Sad! @traydogg654

Gatsby, great parties, lots of locker room talk. I don't know him though. He's not my best friend. Daisy can do better. @claudia_nichole

Well, if you've got the crime, you've got to have the punishment. I believe in law and order, folks. Law. And. Order. @KevinMKruse

So the boy kept taking more and more from the tree every year without giving anything in return? That makes him smart. @LisaStuardi

And Troy just wants to bring this horse in without vetting it. It's full of Greeks and they're rapists and murderers. @steventurous

Be, don't be. This Hamlet guy needs to make up his mind. When I make up my mind, it's great. I make the best decisions. @roseknows

Hester? Nasty woman. Scarlet coming out of her eyes, out of her, wherever. @AtmnR

Are You There God? It's Me Margaret and I've got blood coming out of my wherever. @KinglaKing

There were mice AND men, I mean, and everyone has been saying it, these were some bad hombres... with mice. @joepete104

There's this student at Notre Dame, great guy, the best grades, crippled. Hunchback. Is Obamacare working? You tell me. @lawnrocket

I could teach that Sheriff of Nottingham a thing or two about Law and Order. Stop and frisk! Make our forest safe again! @JoePolizzi_PMP

Nowhere does it say that anything actually happened between Lolita and Humbert, it was just boy talk. @summerbrennan

I did not Pat the Bunny. That was just locker room talk. @MACarter73

The Raven, ok? It's about a yuge bird, believe me. And he's black! The black birds are living in hell, we all know it. @CaptNevermind

Dr. Dolittle. Loser. Talks to animals. No one respects animals more than me, folks. I'm famous, I can pet any cat I want. @MaydayCosmo

The wardrobe was tremendous, my sons shot the lion, and the witch is Hillary. @RuckCohlchez

Garden of Eden. Really nice asset. Adam should have known better than to listen to crooked Eve. Such a nasty woman. Sad! @heathwcarter

The Bible. Judas, good guy. Only one of the 12 that made money. Media crucified him. @dudearino1

The good book. BEST book. The son of God descends from heaven to teach us how to live. It's called "The Art of the Deal." @stirling79

Koran. Wrong! @7im

Thrasymachus totally crushed Socrates in the debate. RIGGED! Make Caves Great Again! @ethicistforhire

The wolf was very nice to Little Red Riding Hood, when she made up all kinds of nasty lies about him. And you look at her. @planespotted

It's all lies, folks. That wolf never touched Granny. All lies. Just look at her and you tell me. @annashenanigan

I did not grope her on a train or on a boat or on a plane. I did not grab her here or there... well maybe I did. @VentureValkyrie

Big Brother is watching. He will find those 30 thousand emails. Crooked Hillary. @jennfel

Henry VIII: Good guy. A lot like me. You don't ask. You just grab them by the girdle. When you're a king, you can. @jordanemoore

The Western Front was so quiet. Too quiet, I say. I would never have left the western front like Hillary and Obama did. @VocalMinorityNV

Mein Kampf. Great book. Tremendous. Story about a young boy's summer camping trip. My supporters love it. @Cave_DweIIer

War and peace is a horrible book. It should just be war. I love war. @rleader86

War and Peace? I love war, I'm very, very good at war. Wars make money; peace, not so much. Nuclear war the best. @pbsmithmd

Little women? All liars! Plan to sue! Never touched them. @RockyMountain

What was it called? Belittle Women? Great book. @Steg68

Darcy? Great man. Tremendous man. Has 10,000 a year. Attractive wife but she's got a mouth on her. @clementine_ford

They knew how to do it in olden times. Women who were up for action wore an A on their tops. A for Action. @Nina1172

Hester Prynne, very sloppy. Still hasn't lost the baby weight. I'd give her a big scarlet F — for fatty. @ReformedintheQT

I don't read. If I want to read a book, I just have my people make it into a movie. Then I watch that. It's true, Folks. @thechaosmanager

Sure, I read the book, but I won't tell you the end. I'll leave you in suspense. @sarahjbury

Still not one book report from Crooked Hillary! Too busy unrolling red carpet for ISIS. Plenty of time to read in prison. @TrumpBookReport

#TrumpBookReport is the best thing on Twitter right now. The. Best. Bigly. All the polls say so. Bigly! @ChrisWadeJ1519 {#TrumpDrSeuss is pretty good too but nowhere near the same LOL factor. —tεᖇᖇ¡·g}